hi i am back

hi people it been a long time since i blogged yeah i know i have said like this sentence quite anumber of time LOOL
feel new back here
lool
i wonder is that my honest feeling
so O's have ended
APPLAUSE
actually
many thing had happen during this period of time
before or after o's
there was a period that i was feeling very down
as one of my closest relative have leave this world
and she is my grandma
not many ppl know about
maybe just my friends and all yup
decided to post this as i dun think many ppl understand how i felt after i know this news
included my parent and some close relative
so to sort of release some sort of emotion here haha
to be honest
when i heard about this news
i wasnt really shocked
as i think i have sort of guess it
when i went back to visit her during the sept hols
my younger cousin told me that she is giving out her jewellery
and i was very shock to heard
hmm
normally most ppl will understand what this mean
yea
so after hearing this news
the next morning we rush back to malaysia
but before that day
my cousin called me and ask me how i am
so i said i was fine
but honestly
i wasn't i was actually holding up my tears when she was talking about it
and eventually i did burst out of tear
with a choke voice
and i tot she know about it
until one day something happen oso she talk to me again
and i realise she does not know about
i tot she would know as she have been living with me since young
i tot i found someone that know me quite well other then my parent
i totally can't believe that she doesn't know about
but maybe is partially my fault too
i am use to hide my feeling to myself and nv tell anybody including ppl who are very close to me
in their brain they must have thought of me a very cool person like a person with a cold heart
or maybe no feeling other that happiness(?) maybe
ok yup back to the main point
i reach back malaysia
and i saw my grandma lying there
and i dun really dare to look as i almost burst out of tears when i saw her
i actually cannot believe the fact that she leave this place
she just look so beautifully there sleeping
after awhile i was adjusting to it
and i was happy that my cousin yi wei, min min,xinlin,xin yi, xin tze, jia hao jun
was there
i oso dunno how they actually felt but i think everybody felt the same
i feel like we are sad but we try to be happy
and help one another to overcome
to be honest i am very very glad that u all are my cousin
even thought due to my study we seldom talk to one another
but when we meet up we always felt the bond between every single one of us
so on the day whr we have to shift my grandma ro the cemetery
we have to sort of hold on to the van
i saw my mum
she is tearing up
but i dunno what to say to her
so i left her with her sibling
and i was with my cousin
tbh again, i was holding up my tears to and especially when we were holding on to the van
and walking
and all the memories i had with my grandma keep coming out
even thought arnd that time i was like arnd 5-6 years old
i tried to rmb what she teach me
and talk to me about
i almost cried out
but i told myself to hold it back
cause i dun wan other to see how i actually feel
because i just somehow think that it would a burden to them
just that type of feeling
and after everything end
we had to come back to singapore
and i needed to attend sch
and it was like a month left to my o's
so when i when back singapore
i didn't felt like talking to my friends or even to attend sch
but in the end i still went
so i was feeling down the whole day
and when ppl ask me what happen
em tearing start accumulating at my eyes
and i tried to hold it back
so i quickly ans them
and turn around to wipe my tears away
but lucky by the end of the day i was feeling better
thanks to my friends
even thought they didn't do much
but lucky they sort of kept quiet  for me
and didn't really ask much
thanks haha
so now my grandma 100 days is coming
so i have to go back to Malaysia
so i think every should cherish everyone around you
yea even thought i didn't have like any argument with her or anything and have very nice memories with her
you should still cherish every moment u have with everyone
yea tears was in my eyes when i was typing out this post haha
bye ppl and i will be celebrating x'mas in malaysia with all my relative hash yea sort of the first
usually i would be in overseas
so yup i think i will post soon so i will wish u merry christmas later haha
bye for now!